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Archive for May, 2009

Thank you all so much for your loving comments, cards, good thoughts and all around superness. Sorry Ive been bad about blogging and responding. Every time I go to write lately its like an emotional enema. It becomes less about relaying info to you and more about purging some of my blockages.

I’ve found an awesome lady for acupuncture, Ive been doing hyperbaric oxygen therapy and I’ve tightened up my routine a bit. I had scans this week and last. I get the results on the 9th. I am still coughing and my chin is still numb.

The spiritual/emotional work is in the forefront. I’ve ordered lots of interesting books on the mindbody connection and when they arrive I plan on submerging myself in learning (and relearning) all that I can.

I’ve had some tough and raw moments in the last month but today I feel like I am arriving at a good place. A more nuturing, self-loving and forgiving place. I have to remind myself that we are here to enjoy life. We are where we are at for a reason. Trust trust TRUST yourself and your path. And have some fun, damn it.

xoxo she

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I have titled and tagged and this entry for the benefit of people searching for information on recovery time for laparoscopic bilateral salpingo oophorectomy. They should know what they are in for.

When I heard the words “laparoscopic” and “outpatient” I figured my oophorectomy would be a walk in the park. I’ve had 8 other surgeries. Some required days of hospital recovery time, drainage pumps and tubes from surgeries that moved major muscle groups or cut holes in an area around my heart.

Wednesday marked 4 weeks from my surgery. I had no idea what I was in for recovery-wise. I spent my pre-surgery time preparing myself psychologically for the emotional aspects of sudden menopause. I was clueless as to the extent of the physical agony I was about to experience. First of all this surgery requires working in an area around lots of major organs. Organs we use all the time. Organs we need in order to be healthy live good lives. Like the large intestine. And the bladder. Move these around and load em up with anesthesia and they go into shock. What happens when these organs go into shock? They stop working! Only I kept ingesting things. Any movement in my system hurt like hell. Gas pooled up and hurt hurt hurt. Going to the bathroom hurt so bad I had to bend over and hug a pillow and try not to scream too much. Walking hurt, talking hurt, lifting things hurt, coughing hurt. It felt as if my innards had been twisted and shredded with an electric mixer.

So whats a girl to do? I would lay in bed, in pain, not eating very much, not drinking any carrot juice (it upset my stomach), wondering what was going to happen next. Week two was so bad that I started taking the damn oxycodone. Heres the thing- Part of my recovery is walking. Walking “wakes up” those shocked organs and it did seem to help me feel better. But here’s the catch 22- I was in waaaay too much pain for walking. Walking hurt so so so bad. So I would wait until nighttime and then I would take two oxycodone. When they kicked in I felt so much better. I would walk around and just thank god that there were magic pills that made me feel warm and fuzzy and allowed me to walk. They also helped me get a good nights sleep. I repeated this ritual for 6 days. I suffered all day long and the only thing that got me through it was knowing that when it got late enough I would allow myself to take the pills.

When week 3 hit I stopped the pain pills. But it was too late- my chin became numb again and my cough got worse. Nathan insisted I start drinking the carrot juice, forcing my body to adjust. I am glad he did because I had lost a lot of weight. It took my body a few days to adjust to the carrots but now I am feeling better every day. My weekly vitamin infusions help a lot. I am throwing everything I have at the cancer and I know it doesn’t stand a chance but it is still scary stuff. I know there is cancer in my fluids. Chin numbness is caused by cancerous cerebrospinal fluids. And the cough is probably from cancerous fluids in my anterior mediastinum. I have an appt with my oncologist Tuesday and I am sure he will rightly insist on scanning me.

I think most of my energy, unfortunately, was used up on healing from the surgery and therefore my body didn’t get a chance to work against the cancer. Couple that with heavy drugs and not following Gerson therapy and it makes sense that this is the inevitable consequence.

 Please keep me in your prayers / energy work. I am holding on to a vision of myself healthy, full of energy, focused, relaxed, happy and living life to the fullest. I know it will be done.

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