Archive for February, 2009

I apologize for being a fair-weather blogger. My lame excuse: My technology-interfering magnetic field has increased its intensity and is spitting out waves of computer jinx, wreaking havoc on every computer I touch. I’ve lost 2 blog entries, one written in word on my former PC that caught some incurable “worm” virus from opening an email. Keystrokes and screenshots are stolen so that no personal information or passwords are safe. Blog entry #2, long musings on longevity (with pictures no less), is trapped forever on the laptop my mom so graciously and naively lent me, the laptop that will not even open to the desktop now that my jinx has cursed it. Every time I pondered blogging in the past month I just got mad thinking that I would either need to start over or try to recreate what I had. I am still kind of mad. And if you have sent me an email from a new email address with a vague subject line, I’m not ignoring you. I just can’t risk opening it on computer #3.

My physical health- Still coughing, still have a “shortness of breath.” It hasn’t gotten better. It does not seem to be getting much worse. It is just there. Early this morning I had a trip through the doughnut hole from hell (AKA CAT scan) with contrast to see what exactly is causing the cough. I get the results next week. Please keep me on your prayer lists and altars. This thing is not over. Envision me healthy, strong, fully of energy, happy and with a radiant glow of health emanating from every pore, breathing deeply.

My mental health- Has been in the forefront of late. I was starting to spiral down into paralyzing fear but that has stopped now and I am A-OK once again. When fear has me in its clutches like that I lose my ability to reason or see things clearly and there is really not much to do but wait it out.

My spiritual health- It feels kind of personal, hard to write about, cheesy even but I should just put it all out there. My spirtitual health runs parallel to my mental health. The fear seizes me, brings things to the surface and my little soul gets busy sorting it all out. The biggest hurdle for me is feeling safe, trusting that the universe is benevolent and not out to get me. Easier said than done when there is cancer in my body and, during periods of retrograde, everything I touch turns to shit. It is not lost on me that the lingering areas of concern are in my heart chakra. I am learning to forgive myself and others. I am learning to love myself unconditionally. But it’s a process. I am not implying that cancer stems from some kind of spiritual failure. But I do think that healing is not merely physical.

So that about sums it up. Hope you are all thriving, happy and embracing springtime.


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