Archive for January, 2009

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am OK and sorry for the lack of posts. It was so uplifting to report good markers in my last post and I just wanted to bask in the afterglow and relief of the good news. Truthfully though…things are not as rock solid these days.

I overdid Christmas. too many projects, too much traveling, not enough sleep. It took its toll and I had another healing reaction. I have noticed that the HRs always seem to come after periods of overdoing it. Thankfully this one was brief and mild. Mainly just fever for a few days, feeling freezing cold with 8 blankets on and unable to eat. When it was over, uh-oh, my hot flashes were MIA for a few weeks and I was feeling very…hormonal. If you’ve been closely following my story you know that’s not a good sign. It is an indication that my zoladex injection isn’t working. so the hot flashes disappeared and the damn cough came back. The cough indicates fluids in my heart area. No period though so that’s a good sign.

Today they took my blood. My follow up is on the 3rd. I am braced for high tumor markers. I am looking into, once again, having my ovaries removed. That would eliminate the need for the zoladex. It is the only medication I am on but  I need it because it puts my body into chemically-induced menopause to reduce the amount of estrogen in my body. Estrogen is gasoline to my cancer’s fire.

So that’s that. My hot flashes ARE back now but the cough/breathing problems are not entirely gone. New theory? It seems like these healing reactions somehow interfere with my injection. The injection is supposed to release its medicine over the course of 28 days. Healing reactions are caused by rapid detoxification.  The detox may be too effective…might see the medicine as foreign and push it out.

Blah blah blah. the thing is too complex, difficult and boring to explain. I’ve looked online and there is only one reported case of someone’s body building antibodies against the zoladex but give my body a chance to be a  rare exception and it will take it. Being an “odds-beater” is my body’s modus operandi. Freak side effects? My body is all about it. Statistical minority? My body is in it. I know I am going to survive because it would be the exceptional thing to do. My body is a rebel!

But today is a happy day. Not just for America but for the world.  The air feels charged with a contagious, powerful magic. The collective unconscious is infused with a happy electricity. I think we may all be more inspired to believing in impossible dreams. I keep myself open to the idea of being completely healed. I visualize it. I believe in it. I have faith in it. I know that it is possible. Without faith in healing you close your heart to the possibility. We are resilient and amazing beings. All things are possible.


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