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Archive for September, 2008

worst healing reaction EVER. I feel like I’ve been run over a few times by a military tank and then cranked through a meat grinder. Today is day 9 and I finally have the energy to type. For those of you who have emailed me in the last…11 days I have been super busy and then very very VERY ill. so please be patient. I will get back to you. If I emailed you Wednesday and said I was all better that’s cause my body thought it was better so I went and got a vitamin C IV. The resulting detox led to even more intense sickness- The following day I only got out of bed for the bathroom, I had a fever all day, at one point it was 104.3. Today I was finally able to eat for the first time in about a week. My weight is in the double digits. I will be putting weights in my pocket for my dr appt later on this week. (yes Judy, I am stealing your brilliant idea.) Did the stock market crash or something while i was asleep? i thought I heard a thunderous explosion followed by hysterical shrieking.

So how do I feel? Totally drained. A little shook up. I have some sort of scary heart arrhythmia thing going on… Feels like my heart has been replaced by a drunk and angry woodpecker. But I do have some new theories on healing. For example, I’ve always heard that true healing involved healing on the physical, mental and spiritual level. Physical? check. controlled with superhuman dilligence. Mental? Check! I have proven to myself that I have the capacity to withstand just about anything. I’ve got my body and mind under control…

but spiritual healing?!!? What the hell does that even mean, right? So I put that part off. But it seems to find me wherever I hide. The weird thing about this healing reaction was that, as my bones went under crushing pain as the toxins were leaving me, all of these super vivid memories rose up from the murky soup of my consciousness. I’m talking fully formed, not-previously-remembered, really old memories. It has me suspicious that maybe, somehow, we store emotional memories in our bodies.

Or maybe it was just the fever. Which did, once again, produce some silliness. Like the time I went to ask Nathan “How are our outdoor kitties?” referring to our kittens who had only that very day embarked on their first journey outdoors. To be fair, even in perfect health that is a tongue twister if you bother to fully pronounce each word. In a fevered state it is an impossibility.

I spent our one year anniversary in bed. sick. Nathan worked all day, came home, made all my juices, took care of me and showered me with love and gifts. I still feel like I won the man lottery. I am so so so so so lucky. I married a man who can always make me laugh no matter how bad things get. who still loves me even when I am yellow, incoherent and could rent my body out as a skeleton for anatomy classes.

Something I keep meaning to tell you all – I have it on good authority that 50 mg of Niacin (vitamin B3) taken 5x a day works better than any antidepressant. When I learned about the niacin-mood connection it really resonated with me- that explains how the hell I’ve managed to somehow stay sane and even mostly happy through this whole ordeal. The above dose is the amount in the Gerson protocol. I don’t know if any other dosing is effective or what the minimum dose for effectiveness would be. If you are going to go this route, however, you must flush! meaning you must not get the “non flushing” formula. By flush they mean that you may become visibly red for 15 mn or so during which time your skin will feel sunburnt. I wouldn’t recommend taking it before or during work, while on a date, etc.

There is no way I would be here right now if my mom and nathan hadn’t lovingly saved my ass these last days. I am so grateful.

Current Theme Song? Power of Love by Deee-Lite.

Keep those prayers and white light coming!!!

Much love to all of you!

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