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Archive for August, 2008

My Ca 27.29 is back down!!!!!!

It is exactly as it was in June. 56. July was just a fluke. Thank you thank you thank you!!! All of your healing energy and prayers and all of our hard work is still paying off. I just feel really really grateful and centered now, very lucky to have such an awesome support group, the best family and friends a girl could hope for. Not to mention the best western and alt docs on the planet. I feel very very very lucky! My doctor is even telling other patients about my diet and encouraging them to try it.

I am also recognizing like so many recovering alcoholics these “moments of clarity.” more and more. There is nothing to distract me, no addictions to preoccupy my mind. No more vices left. It is just me here breathing. How is that for zen?

A year ago I was in horrible pain. I couldn’t take a deep breath. I coughed every 5 seconds. My bones ached, the lymph nodes on my neck were visibly enlarged and the right half of my chin was numb. Nowadays, aside from the random back ache I am feeling good. Physically, mentally and spiritually. Worlds better than I was only one year ago.

And here comes Polly Ana- I really do think that I might be able to help someone.

I love you all!!!

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Gulp. So today is the day. At 4:30 I have my appointment. I keep repeating to myself “It’s just a number. It’s just a number.” Honestly, it is just a little ink on a piece of paper. It doesn’t define me or my future. I am going to continue what I am doing no matter what that little number says. If it is not going down yet it will be. I will get better, damn it. Trying to take some deep breaths. I don’t think this will be a long entry because writing about it is making me more nervous. Please keep the prayers and white light coming. And if you happen to read this and aren’t too busy around, say 4:30 please send some good vibes my way. I think a lot of the last year has been sinking in and it can be really really scary, I am on the rollercoaster. The spiritual component of healing is in the forefront right now as I grapple with some major stuff. I feel very blessed and lucky to be surrounded by so many good people and so much love. The unanswered questions are burning. I acknowledge that there is an element of vanity in wanting to cling to life, for trying so hard to stay alive. I need to make the living worth it. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be forgotten. I don’t want to make people sad. Sometimes I feel like I’ve done the whole thing wrong. Just fleeting bursts of fear, I know I’ve done a few things right. I just want everything to work out. I just want this to be worth something. I just want to be completely healed and help others do the same. I want to be old and wrinkly and share all that time with Nathan and everyone else that I love. OK, don’t worry about me. I’m just buying into the hype. I don’t normally allow myself to go there but it was really scary seeing my number go up a few points last month instead of down a lot like it was. I still have it in me. I am still going to beat this. I will stay strong. This too shall pass.

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Sigh. Ok, today is the day the vampire oncology team swoops in to take some vials of my blood to their laboratory. Imagine them snatching said vials, stowing them away under their black capes as an evil “muuuuuaaaah haaahaaa” escapes their fanged mouths right before they take off into the night. Trust me, I’ve tried garlic. It does nothing to ward those f-ers off.

So what do I need from you wonderful people who read my blog? Some more balls of white light, healing mojo, healthy vibes, divine energy and prayers, pretty pretty please. What can I say? I’m greedy.

Please as you visualize/meditate/pray to Jesus, Allah, Buddha or the Flying Spaghetti Monster picture me in perfect health, full of vibrant ENERGY. Feeling good and happy and healthy and bouncing off the walls with vigor, able to accomplish a million things (including writing my thank you notes in a timely fashion and keeping my house spotless.)

Know that I am OK. I’ve made some good changes and really stuck to it this time. It’s only been a month though and there is a chance that my markers may not reflect the goodness just yet. Either way I’ll be OK because I have all of you spectacular earthlings on my side (and a couple of angels as well.)

Thanks a zillion. I love you all!!!

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Just and update to let everyone know that I’ve quit my vices as promised- green tea and fruit. I know it sounds kinda weird calling these “vices” but for me they are. I guess any time you are unable to do something in moderation, lose your balance and then you can fall face first into a heap of problems. The caffeine headaches are gone, thank god. they lasted 3 days. I should clarify- I am still having granny smith apples in my juices (thank you max gerson!) and I did have some slices of pear thursday night and again friday night. But no more gorging myself on pounds of cherries and barrels of peaches, no sir. And no more  constant stream of extra strong green tea. still kind of achy and tired- yesterday my back hurt pretty bad and I was comatose after the first skit on snl (sorry sarah g!) I’ve been getting my sunshine as I promised myself. Unbelievably, it didn’t rain at all yesterday which was atypical for our recent noah’s arc weather so we went on the boat and saw manatees up close.  we went out today as well and saw some dolphins, just got home actually and now it is storming hard. Hmmm…what else…I think I’ve kept to my list, daily shots, more upsidedown coffee, skin brushing. Yep, I’ve been good. It’s not been too easy. My alt med doc took a look at my live blood last thursday and it looked great. She did say that she could see some protein deficiency which is weird since my protein is right in range according to my blood work. But other than that my blood did not even appear to be the blood of an individual afflicted with cancer. So I hope all these changes will be reflected in my tumor markers. An online friend told me that tissue regeneration can cause your markers to go up. In fact, markers can be pretty wonky in general which is why some doctors don’t even use them. But better safe than sorry.

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