Memorial for Sheila

There will be a memorial held for Sheila at Fort Desoto at 3:00 p.m. on Saturday, December 5, 2009. It will be held at the same place as our wedding took place. Please feel free to come share your thoughts and memories.

Last Update

It is with the greatest sadness and the deepest hole in my heart that I must tell you that Sheila Wisdahl passed away in my arms at 5:00 p.m. on Wednesday, December 2, 2009.

My Dearest Sheila,
I will love you and miss you always. You were my lover and my best friend forever. May you rest in the most tranquil peace that exists. I will meet with you again in another place. I WILL find you. Thank you for everything you have given me and everyone around you. You were the best wife I could imagine and I will never forget. You brought the greatest joy to all of us. Until we meet again.

Your Loving Husband,
Nathan

11/30 Update

Hello again everyone – This is Nathan filling in again as happens all too often when a member of the blogging community takes ill.

After coming home from the hospital, Sheila has been on more meds than we can keep track of. These meds have only seemed to compound her problems.

Sheila has taken a turn for the worse and words cannot describe how sad I am when I look over her. She is often foggy headed and unable to comprehend dreams from reality. Her speech is extremely slurred – when it is discernable. She is bedridden and finds the task of using the ipod confusing.

Through it all she remains dignified and vigilant against her enemy. She has put up a strong fight against an all-too-often unbeatable adversary. We are trying to make her as comfortable as we can. However, it seems that discomfort has been sentenced upon her. Please find a special place in your thoughts and prayers for her asap. We are all waiting for something positive if not an outright miracle.

I love her so much! The thought of losing her is ripping me apart. So I must end with a positive note. Sheila MUST pull through. She will make it and we will embrace again as we have so many times.

11/25 Update

Hello all! This is Nathan filling in for Sheila.

Sheila has been very under the weather recently. So, I decided to give everyone the low-down on what’s going on. Back about a month ago, Sheila went on her trip to North Carolina. The weather was fantastic and the fall colors were beautiful; however, Sheila didn’t get to take it all in as she might have wished. She was often nauseous and weak. She was on a constant vitamin C drip and occasionally on another drip which I am forgetting right now.

With bed rest, Sheila was doing ok. Toward the middle of the third week her port started looking very sore. She called her naturopath who told her to take the IV out and then ordered antibiotics. She did as she was told and then made her way home.

After resting for a couple of days back at home, Sheila went to have her naturopath take a look. Her port had been starting to look a little better. Although, a few missed pokes for the saline solution combined with a couple of days of “festeration” and the port was looking terrible again. She tried and tried to keep the infection at bay, but it only got worse and worse.

By last Monday night Sheila had gone for three days with nausea and vomiting. She was unable to keep anything down. Sheri, Sarah (her sister-in-law ), and I urged her to go to the emergency room to get the port removed ASAP. Sheila was worried that medics and nurses would be unable to access any veins due to her dehydration. She wanted to wait until she could keep a few glasses of water down. Eventually, she was somewhat forced into making the decision of calling an ambulance (forget the water).

When the ambulance got to the house (about one full minute after being called upon) they were able to get Sheila’s vein immediately. They did it faster than I have ever seen, with as few problems as I have ever seen. We all thought BRAVO! and GOOD JOB! Later Sheila would realize…. Oh yeah, I have never weighed as little as I do now – my veins are probably all popping out in the open… no wonder why it was so easy. No matter what, I am glad it went as easy as it did.

It wasn’t until the next day that they were able to get her into surgery and remove the port. She had septicemia (when the infection travels throughout her body via the blood). Upon viewing a chest x-ray The ER nurse thought that she might have pneumonia. However, we would later learn that she has had some cancer spread or mutate somehow from the lymph nodes into her lungs (I’m not sure I fully understand exactly what the specifics are for this one). So, we now know at least one contribution to her coughing.

Also, we learned that her calcium level was a “15” when it should be lower than 10. Her nurse told her that she had had patients before who were completely loopy with a level of just 12. She got meds for that (again the name fails me) which had been previously offered – but refused because long term use causes jaw bone deterioration.

At the hospital, Sheila was put on all sorts of pain meds, antibiotics, and nausea meds. At one point, Sheila claimed to see Martin Luther King Jr. in the curtains and she was certain that there were murals under the paint on the walls. She was declared infection free for three days straight and allowed to come home on Saturday afternoon. Before she left, they installed a picc line for home IV’s. They have her on a few different antibiotics for about a week and then another until after Christmas. The long term antibiotic is delivered through IV. They are wonderful little balls that we can set up on our own without any kind of medical help.

Unfortunately, her nausea is persistent. Sheila is still having a hard time holding down anything beyond the occasional smoothie. We are currently awaiting word on whether she can get IV nausea meds (as she can’t keep down the pill form and/or it makes her more nauseous) and perhaps nutritional IV’s.

Sheila has been having a real tough go of it recently, but I know that with her motivation and all the love she receives, she will pull through and get back to the normal routine again.

gratitude and bliss

overlook just down the road from our cabin.

I feel so deeply blessed and grateful right now, I am literally glowing with gratitude. I have the most amazing family and friends anyone could ever hope for and I’ve even been blessed by many stranger angels here in the smoky mountains.

The view is breathtaking, the air is clean, our cabin is magnificent and the vibe is totally one of convalescence and rejuvination. I can honestly say I am truly feeling a little bit better every day and I am glad i went with my gut and made it up here. Thank you all so very much for making this trip happen! And many thanks to all the magic elves at home who have made drastic and exciting improvements to our house. Thank you x infinity!!

Only downside? I miss Nathan. But thanks to your generosity he is able to fly up this thursday until tuesday. I can hardly wait!!

Signing off now and going to avoid emfs (computer, tv, etc) for awhile so please understand if I don’t write or call you back. my body’s electromagnetic field deserves a much needed break.

I love you!!!

breast cancer patient in need of smoky mountain cabin rental

New theory, new plan:

I think I may be allergic to my house. Is it the cats? Dogs? DUST?? Carpet?? Is there mold? I am not sure. I saw an episode of “mystery diagnosis” where this woman couldn’t breathe, her condition was getting worse and worse and nobody knew what was wrong. It turned out that she had Hypersensitivity pneumonitis. Believe me, I know this sounds like the most hypochondriac disease ever but listen to the lowdown from google health:

“Hypersensitivity pneumonitis is inflammation of the lungs due to breathing in a foreign substance, usually certain types of dust, fungus, or molds. Symptoms of acute hypersensitivity pneumonitis may occur 4 – 6 hours after you have left the area where the foreign substance is found. These symptoms may include chills, cough, fever, malaise (feeling ill), shortness of breath. Symptoms of chronic hypersensitivity pneumonitis may include breathlessness, especially with exertion, cough, often dry, loss of appetite, unintentional weight loss”

That’s me in a nutshell. I also read that if left untreated, hypersensitivity pneumonitis can cause permanent lung damage. Now I know I have stage IV breast cancer and I know a lot of my symptoms are from the cancer but the fact is that they can’t find any cancer in my lungs just “ground glass infiltration” that is allegedly responsible for my constant coughing, wheezing and gasping for air that is causing me to vomit up my food.

The lady in the episode of mystery diagnosis left her house for 3 weeks and her breathing cleared up. Turns out her house was riddled with mold. Her doctors told her if she wanted to live she should move. I am hoping I don’t have to move (would be pretty difficult considering the depreciation of our home value) But we do have hard wood floors just waiting to be installed in the family room and the other bedroom. Carpet can be a culprit here. And the dust is really out of control. I just haven’t been able to even clean my own house.

So mom and I are going away for a few weeks, to the mountains to breathe as much fresh air as possible, meditate, stay away from emfs (cell, computer) drink juice, listen to music, daydream and heal. In the meantime Nathan (with some help from enlisted relatives) will install the flooring and work on clearing the house of any possible allergens. This is urgent as my condition is getting much worse and I don’t have the energy reserves to help make the necessary changes to our residence. I am going to go on oxygen. I have no energy. I am in serious trouble. I can’t even tell you how much weight I’ve lost. Its too scary.

What do I need from you?? Do you know of a cabin in the Smoky Mountains with wood floors and a great view that has a reasonable weekly rate?? (reasonable = $600 or less) Would you like to donate to the Sheila Wisdahl Fresh Air Fund??? Yes, I am accepting charity. I know I have been given so so so SO much by my fabulous friends and family that it pains me to ask for more but the situation is very serious. I am really hoping this trip heals me. If it doesn’t work at least I will be able to say I tried everything to beat this. I haven’t been able to take a deep satisfying breath of air since last year.

I am excited about this trip. I haven’t seen the fall colors in many years and I know it will heal my soul along with my body. I only wish Nathan could be there too.

The greatest wealth is health. ~Virgil

adrenal exhaustion

Today is day #3 with a sore throat/cold, the first one I’ve had in over two years and possibly a sign that my immune system is not what it used to be. That said, I am feeling much better today than I was yesterday or the day before so at least I am able to recover quickly.

I have also had really bad arthritis and bone pain lately. Partially because of the weather. The rain has been relentless this year. My cough is still hanging around. Basically my body is allergic to everything. My body is constantly inflamed. Any time I eat or drink within minutes my body responds by producing mucus and forcing me to cough. This makes it pretty hard to breathe, talk and almost impossible to exercise. If I overeat the inflammation response often leads to vomiting from all the coughing/gasping for air. My weight is very very low. My energy reserves are seriously depleted. If I have been bad about returning calls/emails/visiting this is why. I just don’t have the energy for it.

I have a new theory about what is wrong and it involves adrenal exhaustion. Tests from my natropath show that my adrenal glands are not functioning well and my thyroid stimulating hormone is double what it should be. AE-> low cortisol-> low progesterone -> high estrogen-> high histamine (hence my inflammation), and low thyroid hormone absorption. It all makes sense but I’ve made that proclamation many times before. I feel like a crazy person researching and researching and researching trying to find answers that no doctors seem to have. My body feels like a science experiment gone horribly awry. I am trying to stay optimistic but honestly it has been hard lately. On the one hand I KNOW that I’ve been worse off than this. Two years ago I was doing much worse. But I’ve been a hell of a lot better too.

Today we got a whole house water filtration system installed. I am super excited about this. Our water was so super chlorinated. Every time we used the shower (even with a showerhead filter) it smelled like a swimming pool. Chlorine acts like estrogen in the body and inhaling chlorine steam is really bad. So now our water is soft and odor free. No more VOCs, no more chlorine. I am hoping this makes a difference in how I feel. Psychologically it has already given me some peace of mind. Also, we found an awesome plumber in the process. If you live in pinellas county and need a good plumber, Sauls plumbing is where its at. they were nice, knowledgeable and reasonably priced.

The next thing I am going to do is get a wheatgrass juicer and start growing some wheatgrass. Despite the occasional pessimistic bout of mean pinks I still have hope. Please keep me on your altars. I miss all of you and have a hard time seeing you from my lonely little pink planet but I think about you all the time and hope all is well.

Love, she

links

sometimes reading about other people’s cancer experience can be downright depressing. But Dan Barry’s column yesterday in the new york times nailed down so much of what I feel in a way that is both fresh and funny:

“…Then, in the late spring of 2004, probably while I was railing about something eminently unimportant, my cancer impolitely returned. Once again I felt the frigid breath of mortality at my neck. I also felt like a fool. What is the use of surviving cancer if you don’t learn from it? Are improved by it? Am I so thick that I need to receive the life-is-precious message twice?” i can totally relate.

if you are out there “browsing” stop in at ourlittlesweetpea.com A blog that chronicles the hardships of a 10 YEAR OLD GIRL WITH BREAST CANCER. 10 years old. as in diagnosed as a fifth grader. Really makes you wonder about all the crap we are dumping into our environment.

multidimensional update

Sorry for leaving you guys hanging. Truth is, I really miss relaying good news. After all this blog is supposed to be “all about my convalescence.” It was two years ago that I was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. One year ago I celebrated very low tumor markers. I was just points shy of the glorious r-word: remission. But now, ever since January, I have been slowly getting worse. It’s hard to regress, frustrating not to know why my estrogen and tumor markers won’t go down. I had my check up over a week ago and discovered that the drug I took for one month, an aromatase inhibitor that is supposed to lower my estrogen, did nothing. My estradiol did not change, it is not one digit lower. My main cancer marker went up about 40 points. On to plan D.

I would much rather be writing about all the amazing people who have helped me through this so far- my mom, nathan, mindy, natalie, my whole family, my friends, even relatives I didn’t even know I had like the wonderful, kind, loving Barbara Zykan just to name a very small sample. I’d rather tell you about our recent adventures in canoeing, my obsession with psychic investigators or the qi gong conference mom and I went to in July. But I still have to talk about my health. I have to focus. I have to get better.

Of course I have learned a lot in the past two years. I know for sure that we are all connected, entangled. I know when I am being prayed for and when people are sending me healing energy. I actually feel it! Cliché as it may sound, I know love is a powerful force that transcends the limits of time and space. With love all things really are possible. I am so grateful for all the love I have been given.

Though I still have new methods to explore I know my spirit is the final frontier in healing. For me, navigating consciousness is no simple task. After all these years I am still not exactly sure how to meditate. I am finding myself frightened at the complexity of it all but willing to give it a try. I kind of wish some shaman would magically appear and wisp me into a transcendent, spiritual trance that catapults me into complete remission. I am ready!

As always I am hopeful. I can see the healthy, vibrant, energetic, happy, abundant future me just on the other side of the horizon. Thankfully, no bright white tunnel of light is standing between me and her.

red green smoothie, fasting, natural bristle toothbrushes

New *green* smoothie recipe. Only its RED.

Better than Sangria Smoothie

Half a beet
handful of cherries (I used Rainer)
big handful of spinach
two pinches of parsley
one pinch of cilantro (a little goes a long way folks)
one leaf of romaine
juice of half a lemon
1/3-1/2 cup of filtered water

Place all washed, organic ingredients in blender or food processor except for the water and blend until smooth. Slowly add the water until you reach the desired consistency. This one has a nice red wine flavor. Beet is an amazing liver detoxer and blood cleanser as is parsley. Cilantro actually helps removes mercury from your body. Spinach is loaded with vitamins C and A. This one will satisfy.

**********WARNING**********
Place a little post-it near your toilet after consuming. Write on it “YOU’RE OK. ITS JUST THE BEETS” That way you won’t have a heart attack tomorrow when your bowl fills with scary looking beet blood.

I am contemplating fasting. I know it sounds really f-ed up for someone as thin as me to fast but fasting is a great way to detoxify the body and fight cancer. I would probably start with one day a week of juice fasting. I would increase the amount of juices I consume but have no solid foods. I think if I significantly increase the amount of juice calories I consume there should be no risk of weight loss. In theory…

The weight thing is really tricky. After my surgery I was so freaked out about how much weight I lost that I started eating a lot of stuff not gerson-approved. It’s a catch 22 though- The bad foods increase the cancer, the cancer creates cachexia. I think I’m probably better off trying to fight the cancer and coming to terms with the fact that I look cracked out. You know, I thought I had reached that point about a month and a half ago. I even started going for walks in the neighborhood despite my body anxiety. I was doing great until I saw a picture of myself. Yikes. My back is especially scary. Nobody should be this familiar with their own bone structure. Did you know being disgustingly thin makes it really hard to shave your arm pits? They become too hollow for a razor. Who was it that said “you can never be too rich or too thin”?! Let me punch that person in the mouth.

Forgot to mention in my last post that I tried using a natural bristle toothbrush and failed miserably. I did it because regular toothbrushes have nylon. Nylon = plastic, plastic = xenoestrogen. So without doing my homework I impulsively purchased the only natural bristle toothbrush from the health food store- Fuchs record v-natur toothbrush. The website says that the toothbrush is made with boar bristle and assured me that the boars are well cared for and not harmed in the process. The brush is too soft! It just doesn’t get in there good between the teeth. They didn’t offer the harder bristle model but I think I might order one online as a last try. There is kind of a funky “natural” smell and taste but given that my sense of taste and smell are hyper alert and freakishly sensitive, you might not even notice that.